Pesach

Rabbi Boaz Tomsky

During my first year of teaching, the Director of Judaic studies introduced me to his "secret files". He proceeded to explain that these files contain a detailed description of each student. He told me that it was important to study all of this information in order to understand the various issues of each child. "Remember Boaz, don't try to reinvent the wheel!" Those were his last words on the matter. I was torn. I didn't know what to do. I now know, ten years later, that my intuition served me well. I made the right choice.

In the Haggadah, we read about the four sons: echod chachum-one wise, echod rasha-one wicked, echad tam-one simple, v'echod sh'ayno yodeaya lishol-one who does not know how to ask. I always thought, what a diverse family these people have! I wouldn't want to be at their seder. The philosophical discussions would never end. We'd never make it to Shulchan Oraych!

Henry Ford (1863-1947) once facetiously said about his employees, "How come when I ask for a pair of hands, I get a human being as well?" When dealing with people, especially children, we must deal with the whole person. This is the challenge of teaching in an elementary school setting. The Shimon that learned terrifically yesterday may come in today with a negative attitude. Tomorrow he may act as a "Simple Simon". The day after, he may sit with his arms folded, responding, "I don't know" or "I don't get it". The Hagaddah isn't talking about a family of four children, each with a distinct personality. The Hagaddah discusses one child with four distinct personalities.

This is clear by the repetition of the word "echad". The four sons of the Hagaddah are really one. The numerical value of echad is thirteen. Echod, mentioned a total of four times, equals fifty-two. This is the same numerical value of the word ben - son. Four personalities could be found in a single ben-son. The role of parents and teachers is to discover the chachom within each and every child. This is no simple task. But the starting point is to realize that we are dealing with a whole human being, not just a pair of hands.

In Parshat Toldot, Yaakov is found brewing some lentil soup for his father who was mourning the loss of Avraham. Rashi cites that Avraham passed away five years before his time. This was so he wouldn't witness his grandson Esau become a wicked man. The difficulty with this Rashi is obvious. We know that while Rivka was pregnant with twins, Esau was already kicking every time she passed a house of idol worship. He was wicked from the very beginning! It is illogical to think that Esau was a good boy all along until he awoke one day and became intrinsically evil! What then, is the message of this Rashi?

It is true that Esau demonstrated acts of wickedness from an early age. However, his actions didn't define his being. He wasn't considered only bad from the onset. Esau had tremendous potential to be righteous like his father. This is why Yitzchok displayed love to Esau. Yitzchok understood that his son could become a complete Rasha. But he didn't disassociate himself from him. Yitzchok didn't read the "secret files" and call him a problem child with "issues". Instead, Yitzckok embraced his son. He let Esau know that he believed in him. Perhaps he could tap into the chachom, the potential found deep within Esau. Unfortunately, at the age of early adolescence, Esau went down the wrong path. It was only at this point that Avraham passes away. Only now did Esau become Esau HaRasha.

We find Yitzchok never gave up believing in his son. He tried to refine his son's character throughout his life. Yitzchok certainly knew that Esau wasn't as righteous as his other son, Yaakov. He warned Esau, upon hunting game, not to bring back a stolen animal. This indicates that Yitzchok understood that Esau had evil tendencies. Yitzchok is teaching us that even a rasha could potentially change for the better.

This is the explanation of a perplexing gematria found in the Hagaddah. To answer the question of the rasha, we are instructed to blunt his teeth-shinuv. The numerical value of rasha is 570. Shinuv has the value of 366. Tzadik - righteous, equals 204. 570-366=204. In other words, by removing the teeth from the rasha, he becomes a tzadik. What does this mean? Such a reaction from a parent would only distance their child further from their beliefs? The Hagaddah doesn't appear to be teaching effective parenting skills!

This child currently is a rasha. The Hagaddah testifies that this is true. But we must remember that he is only a child. He could easily change for the better. But this child needs to do less talking and more listening. By quieting him down or "blunting his teeth" we have the opportunity to change even the rasha into a tzadik. The "tzadik" was always within him. He was only waiting to be discovered by someone who believed it was there all along.

The same person could potentially be viewed as either good or bad. It all depends on the lens one is peering through. This can be understood based on the following story of a father and his sons. A father wished to discourage his four sons from making rash judgments. At his command, the eldest made a winter journey to see a mango tree. During the spring, he sent the next eldest son on the same errand. Summer followed and the third son went. When the youngest boy had returned from his autumn visit, the father called his sons together. "Describe the tree," he said to them. "It looked like a burnt stump," said the first son. "It is lovely in lacy green, "disagreed the second. "Its blossoms," declared the third, "were as beautiful as the rose. "You are all wrong", said the fourth son. "Its fruit was like a pear". "Each one of you is right, said the father, "for each of you saw it in a different season. We must wait until we see "the tree in all of its seasons" before judging others."

The obligation of reciting the Hagaddah is based on the words, ViHigadta LaVincha BaYom HaHu -and you shall tell your SON on that day. The Torah is teaching that each child has multiple personalities like the mango tree. It all depends on the season, in which the child is seen. We must strive to discover these qualities within each child. They are just waiting for someone to unlock their potential. But we must first realize that this potential exists.

We must also understand that the Hagaddah offers a different answer to each of the four sons. This is an important lesson for teachers. When it comes to educating children, it shouldn't be like a London Fog hat that "one size fits all". Instead, (Mishle 22) chanoch l'nar al pe darko - we are to educate a child according to their way. This part of the pasuk is often quoted. We shouldn't overlook its concluding words - gam ki yazkin lo yasur mimenu- and when he is old he will not depart from it. Each child is different and should be taught according to his unique, individual personality. Doing this could make all of the difference in a child's life

Mary Catherine Bateson, a renowned writer and anthropologist, once said, "We are not what we know but what we are willing to learn. I never looked at those files years back and I am glad for my decision. When my students entered my class in September, I viewed each child the same, with unlimited potential. I didn't let the past decide for me. I didn't let other teachers decide the fate of the child. I used my own judgment. I didn't put my trust into the "secret files". I believed in my students.

First Published April 12, 2004  for National Council of Young Israel Weekly Divrei Torah